What I’ve Learned By Being a Wife

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Three years ago today, my husband and I got married! Even though three years does not seem like a very long time, when the divorce rate is around 50%, every year seems like a huge achievement. It is, of course, something worth celebrating.

For many reasons, my husband and I have decided to celebrate with a nice evening at home. We talked about getting dinner at a nice restaurant, but are actually thinking about waiting a few weeks and going on a small road trip instead.

Recently, I read an article from Bustle called “11 Things Nobody Tells You About Marriage After That Whole Wedding Part Is Over”. The thing I liked best about this article is that it was very honest and funny. It was thought-provoking, because I don’t honestly think anyone knows what they’re getting into when they get married. I feel like people can prepare for it all they want, but marriage is such a unique relationship. There are some points made in this article that I had never considered, and there were some that I wholeheartedly believe to be true, even to the point of arguing with people about it. šŸ™‚

Before I was married, I had an idea of what it would be like to be married, and I am sure that my impression was partially based on the married couples in my life (like my parents), but also sort of influenced by marriages shown in tv shows and movies. I don’t think I was dumb enough to think that the way that marriages are shown in media are totally accurate all the time, but I thought they must be on to something. A point made in the Bustle article that I really appreciated was that the media love to talk about falling in love and marriages, and just ends the story there. Fairy tales, for example, never go on to talk about what happens with the prince and princess get married. Does she get annoyed when he leaves his socks on the floor? Love stories sell. The mundane daily lives of those in love don’t. Marriage is wonderful. It’s fun, rewarding, and special. It can also be mundane and hard work. Part of this is because your spouse isn’t just someone that you have a relationship with, but is also your roommate, which is not the most romantic thing in the world. The point is to find the balance in the romantic and mundane. Or, find the romance in the mundane.

Another point made in the article that I really related to was that life doesn’t end after the wedding, it’s not “happily ever after”. Problems you have as a couple or as an individual don’t fade away after “I do” (unless your problem is not being married, then I think that problem goes away). The only difference is that you are now legally bound for life (or until you get a divorce), so it’s more important to deal with those problems. Once you’re married, breaking up really isn’t supposed to be an option anymore. Problems have to be solved. Luckily, sometimes being married means that you have someone to help navigate life’s problems. It also means that you can’t just ignore problems, you basically have to deal with them. Related to this is the idea in the article that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is a lie. I made a joke once that what it should really be is “Love means always needing to say you’re sorry”. That quote is just as much a lie as the other one, but if I had to choose one of them to live by, it would be mine. I would rather apologize more often than never at all.

With all of the negative things I talked about above, there are also so many positives. It is so insanely awesome to spend every day with someone who knows me better than anyone else. We have so much fun together, and I think that the fact that breaking up is not an option helps. We put everything we have into our relationship because we’re in it for the long haul. It’s fun because we get to talk about what we want for our futures, and help each other reach our goals. I know that it’s a cliche to say that I married my best friend, and some would even say it’s not okay to be best friends with your spouse. I don’t agree. First, I think a person can have more than one best friend. I also think I really did marry my best friend for all the reasons stated above. There are very few people I would rather spend my time with, and I don’t think that’s a problem. We are both independent enough to spend time apart (whether it be with other friends or alone), which is important to do.

I am so happy, three years in, to be married to someone who knows there is something wrong with me without me needing to say a word. He laughs with me, shares in my pain, and helps me out of my insecurities. Our relationship has only gone stronger, and I can’t wait to see where we’re at on future anniversaries.

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