Sorry that I haven’t written anything in a while! There has been so much going on, and even though there have been things I have wanted to write about, it’s been a little hard for me to find the time. There has been some changes in my life, however, that I think are important for me to write about, so here I am! Hopefully I will keep writing more often!
So, this week was a little rough for me. Earlier this week, I had a doctor appointment, and this appointment caused me quite a bit of anxiety. Male readers: if you’re uncomfortable reading about women’s health issues, probably stop reading now. 🙂
Over the last few months, my period has been absent. I have had pretty much always had inconsistent cycles. I even went on birth control to try to regulate it, which actually didn’t work well for me. After I decided to stop taking birth control pills, it took a long time before my cycle had any sort of regularity. It still never came like clockwork, and it would sometimes be longer, shorter, or more painful. I thought it was normal. I thought it was something that I would always have to deal with. Then, a few months ago, I didn’t have a period at all. The another two months went by without a trace of one. At first, I didn’t think it was anything to worry about. But, 3 missed periods is a bit much for me. I have taken so many pregnancy tests, and they have all been negative. I’m almost a pro at it!
Then, about a week ago, I started spotting. I wondered if my cycle was finally going to start regulating itself again. I had some cramping, and some of the normal symptoms. But, I also had soreness and tightness in my abdomen that was new for me. This made me concerned, so I made an appointment to go to the doctor.
The leadup to the appointment was a little stressful and tearful for me. I can’t describe why I have been so apprehensive, or sad, or anxious, but it’s how I feel. These feelings have been clouding my daily life, so figuring out what’s going on has been really important to me. After telling the doctor what I have been experiencing, it didn’t take her long at all to say that she thought it sounded like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). I had done some research and knew a little bit about it, so I was glad that she could rather quickly identify what she thought was wrong. After talking to me about it, she ordered blood tests, and told me to make an appointment for an ultrasound and yearly checkup. The ultrasound is this coming Monday, and the exam is 2 weeks later.
Since the appointment, I have been anxiously awaiting my blood test results, in hopes that they would give us some indication of what is going on with me. Being anxious means that I generally convince myself that I have cancer, which is just not healthy to worry about all the time. Yesterday, I got the results of my results, and my blood test results are consistent with the symptoms of PCOS. I still have an ultrasound to see what the cysts on my ovaries looks like, and an exam, which I am overdue for.
Getting a pretty clear PCOS diagnosis has not only been liberating and relieving, but also terrifying and sad. Having PCOS basically means that I have a hormone imbalance that does not allow me to ovulate. This affects everything from my monthly cycle, to my levels of acne and body hair, to my weight, to my insulin levels, to how I feel emotionally: self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and fertility. It affects about 10% of women, and is not always easy to diagnose, because some doctors are not aware of what PCOS is, and do not know that the symptoms are different for everyone. I have experienced anxiety, slight depression, anxiety, absent periods, cramping, and soreness. More often than not, I have soreness where my ovary is. My emotions have been completely messed up, sometimes I feel great, sometimes I break down in tears. Not only do I feel that, as a woman, I am broken, I also hate how I look, have definitely struggled with anxiety.
Having PCOS is not a death sentence. It just means that there are steps I need to take in order to be healthy. It’s terrifying because I have to take some pretty strong medicine in order to manage the symptoms. It’s also terrifying to think that there is a chance that I will remain infertile, and never will be able to conceive. I really hope that the doctor was able to diagnose me early.enough where treating it will not be such a struggle.
One of the main things I have noticed in reading about other women who have had PCOS is that it is normal to feel alone or isolated, but no one should. There are so many women out there that are willing to share in the experience, and now I am one of them. This is all very new and overwhelming for me. I hope that soon I will get in a routine to manage my symptoms. I do not want to spend most of my days with discomfort or anxiety. I hope that I am able to find a community of women who are supportive and can help with tips and tricks on dealing with PCOS.
I apologize if this is too much information, or something that you don;t want to read about, but I think that I will continue to have posts about this, so I thought it would be good to start from the beginning.
Let me know! Does anyone reading this have PCOS or know someone who has it? Let’s talk about it in the comments!